Disclaimer

I didn't really have a place to post my thoughts on my reading of Radical, so I started this blog specifically for this purpose. I have a personal blog, Taulman Times, but it is a private blog. I have a blog of photos and activities of my kids, Taulman Times: Special Edition, but I didn't feel these posts would be appropriate there. And, I have my homeschooling blog, Journey to Excellence, that is designated solely for that purpose. What does my title mean? It means that I do not see myself being able to submit to the level of being Radical that the book will require. I have a feeling I will be frustrated and angry through most of the book. I have a feeling I will be frustrated with many of the posts I read from other participants because they will appear to be willing to just "sell all and take up their cross." I want to change, I just don't want to change enough. This will be a difficult journey. I hope that you will stick with me through this journey. I am transparent. I will say it like I'm feeling it. But don't doubt for a second that I do not love the Lord fully and completely and desire to do as He calls me to do. I have just been hurt badly over the last year or so, all in the name of being a Christian. So, I have a lot to overcome. Let's get started.

Monday, September 20, 2010

A Crossroad

I am at that fork in the road. I am at that place where I have to decide if I am discouraged enough to just let Satan have me. I think I am.

"Do not grow weary in doing good ..." I am beyond weary. I am exhausted. I am tired of trying so hard all the time. I am tired of trying to be a good wife, a good mom and the friendship sailed long ago. I just want to enjoy the few things that I do have that don't cause me pain.

I don't think David Platt has all the answers. I think God does. But I don't even trust God right now enough to ask him to help me find them. Until I can do that, I cannot read someone else's interpretation of what He has to say. If He's not the one saying it to me, I don't want to hear it.

I have so much to work on here before I can even consider looking to help someone else. There is no one to mend my brokenness. I have to work on doing it myself.

I know that God can heal me, I just don't trust Him to do it.

I am weary.
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3 comments:

  1. RachelleSeptember 20, 2010 at 11:42 AM

    I don't know you, can't presume anything. I just want to share grace with you. Which is this-while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Romans 8:28 God in his sovereignty loves us even though we don't have our lives together. I've been weary too, to the point that I lay on the laundry room floor and cried out to God to "do something".
    you're right no man (or woman) has all the answers. It's okay that you are exhausted from trying so hard to be so many things to so many people. If it's okay I am going to start praying for you today. i will pray for you every day until you are healed-your part is to be still and wait on him.

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  2. RachelleSeptember 30, 2010 at 2:41 PM

    I'm still praying for you.

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  3. Marla TavianoSeptember 30, 2010 at 4:10 PM

    I'm so sorry for all your pain, Nicole. Wish I had some awesome words that would just fix everything all up.

    I've been praying for you. I promise to continue.

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